God's Flashlight

Teenagers.

In 10 hours and 42 minutes I'll be a college girl.

New school, new blog, new Phyllis.
Sorry, this is the last post. I'm ready now to give Phyllis up. So if you care, listen up. This is it.


I'm going to college. And I know I'm not ready to go. UVU looks like a dungeon.
Never mind, I don't wanna go. I'm not ready for this.
Just take me back.
I just want to continue to spend my time thinking. Laying on my bed, watching the stars spin from my ceiling. Lay on my bed and look for shapes and figures splattered in the stucco on my ceiling. That kind of lazy stuff.

I wanna lie in my field where I used to sleep on the old summer nights.
Where there were no girls, no boys, no moms, no wild animal cats trying to eat me. Just me and God and the moon.
Walking onto that field during those warm nights was like stepping through some sort of barrier into a perfect world of immortality and lovely innocence.
I'd talk to God there, out loud. And I'd talk to the moon too. But I talked to the moon like God was somewhere buried in it's swiss-cheese craters.
No worry, no curfew, just summer in a field with God.

Sometimes I think, just take me back.

Lots of times, I wonder how many times I have been the happiest person in the world.
I think about a wall in heaven with all the records of who was the happiest person on the entire Earth at what exact time. Pure, true, and perfect happiness only.
It's nice to say that I think I've been on there more than 5 times at least.
Lots of Anne of Green Gables and real love stuff.
I wonder if there have been or will be times when I dominate a BIG chunk of the chart.
"Phyllis."
"Phyllis."
"Phyllis."

I like to think there's lots of spurts of love on the Happy Chart that says "Phyllis Sloan and The Cardinal". Yes, I think we've made the chart many of seconds.

But you wouldn't understand.

It's okay.

Nobody gets it.
K, I wrote this recently and I wrote it for me. I just thought I'd end my last post with something I wrote completely for me, but I'll share it with you. When I first started writing this, I was crying. I was furious and I was crying.
I don't care if it all doesn't really make sense or go together well. Just give me a break, k? This is my last post so just shut up(: If you don't want to hear love and God in the same sentence. Or if you start thinking "oh my gosh, really? I already went to church today." I don't really care too much.
Don't read it, don't listen, don't care. Just go away. Cuz this is my last post. I can do whatever I want. I'm goin to college tomorrow.

3:47 pm:

I'm sorry if that was weird. But that is my last post.

That's all.
See ya Paris.

Love, Phyllis