On days like this I think I could make it alone.
Like, forever. I think I could be pleased with only one-class friends or Hallway-friends or texting friends.
On days like this I convince myself I could be perfectly happy spending my alone time alone, like it's meant to be.
Then maybe everything could be in order. I could spend my sleeping time asleep and my daytime awake and I could spend my class time listening and my church time praying.
But, no, I waste my sleep time for painting and my class time for sleeping and my day time dreaming and I use my bedside for praying..
No, I use school-time for praying and social time for praying and my home time for praying, yeah mostly family time for praying and I spend my night-times lying awake... but mostly lying...
On days like this I think it could make sense to live and have order. But tomorrow, it won't. Tomorrow I'll have the same decisions to worry about that I'll push aside today. and I'll take my own freakin time, although I know I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't be saving decision times for night-times but I've been sleeping as I walk through the halls, so what the heck is the difference anyways? Everything changes in seconds. Just in one look or one class or one sleepless dream. I know, I used to joke I'm bipolar but my friend always said nope, he didn't think so. But now he's got it a little bit and I feel bad that I've rubbed it on to people. Sad, but not surprised. but that's the saddest part of it all. Happy, sad, happy, sad. He said people can notice. I feel bad but I know I shouldn't cuz it's really not my fault, right? But I knew, in time, I'd make his life harder than it needs to be. You shouldn't feel bad..... I don't. Liar... That's why I tried to stop it in the first place. But I won't. But I know I probably should...
I know I should be doing a lot of things that I'm not, but today I feel like I could do that forever. I don't want to think about the next day or the day after that. Today I'll just forget there's even problems. I don't need to worry.. until I have to. But I know I should worry now.
But I've got to forget everything for now, before happy wears off me.
Because, Tomorrow, I'll feel different.
